15 THOUGHTS OF A FIRST TIME BUYER & HOUSE DOER-UPER

Buying a house is fun. Like really fun. It’s a bit like buying a really good pair shoes with your Topshop store card that you just know will last you a lifetime.

Hurrah for house buying.

And then doing it up and putting your own stamp on it, making it all snazzy and that is the DB.

But it’s hella scary too.

Like GAH WHEN DID LIFE BECOME SO ADULT?

Here’s 15 thoughts I’m having as a first time buyer and house doer-uper:

1. I own all this brick. This is my brick. I can do whatever I want in this brick. *sassy emoji*

2. So yeah yeah I know I have a mortgage to pay. Got that. And gas bills. And electricity bills. And council tax. And what? Life insurance too? And water bills? Oh bye bye all my money. Bye bye any chance of buying that cute pair of black dungarees and stripy rollneck. Weep.

3. Should I take an apple pie round to the neighbours? Is that the done thing? I kinda feel like it’s an upfront apology for all the noise, all the parties, all the BBQs and mental raves we’ll be having. NEIGHBOURS IF YOU’RE READING THIS I’M TOTES JOKING LOLS.

4. I’m suddenly taking note of vacuum cleaner adverts. Like ‘Oooh that looks like a neat hoover! On the Christmas list that goes!’ Jeez, when did life get so dull.

5. Calls up ‘Water People’. “Hang on, so there are TWO TYPES of water bills? Surely water is just water? Oh it’s not. There’s drinking water and poop water, you say. Well now that makes perfect sense, why didn’t you just explain it to me like that in the first place?!”

6. Must spy on neighbours so I know when to leave my bins out. “MAX NEXT DOOR BUT ONE ARE PUTTING THEIR BINS OUT. GO GO GO GO”

7. Will this bath we’ve ripped out fit in Max’s car to take to the tip? Perhaps we’ll just sink it in the garden and make it a feature pond. VOILA. Solving problems since 1991.

8. I wish Max would stop asking me what colour towels we’re gonna have in the bathroom.  I’ve got 127654 decisions to make before deciding on the colour of our towels. There’s not even any plaster on the walls yet. I DON’T KNOW WHAT FLIPPING COLOUR TOWELS WE’RE GONNA HAVE. Breath Jade, breath.

9. Do we want our doors to open to the left or the right? WHO CARES.

10. Why doesn’t anyone want my greenhouses? I can’t even GIVE these things away.

11. Painting is so joyful. It gives me all the joys. Fast forward 10 hours and I’d rather drink 10 litres of paint than put it on my walls.

12. I’ve stared at the same two Dulux colours for the past 4 hours and I still can’t decide which one I like more. In fact, the closer I look I’m SURE they are actually the same freakin’ colour. Baffling.

13. Dulux man – “Do you like your paint smooth?” Me – *giggles uncontrollably*

14. I hope no one notices that when I say “I’m going round to work on the house” that I actually just spend an hour swanning around the place pretending I’m queen of the manor, picturing where my many fur coats will go. Let’s keep that bit on the DL.

15. I wonder how many dogs I could fit in here.

Basically, if you’re thinking of following in our footsteps and buying a house and doing it up then be prepared for the following;

– You will be crankier than the wicked witch of the west

– Your hair will be riddled with dry paint and plaster for approx. 4 months

– You will spend 70% of your day thinking about floor tiles

– You will be sorely missed in all your old haunts (Topshop, H&M, Urban Outfitters etc.)

BUT

You will end up with a place tailored exactly how you want it with an overwhelming sense of achievement. ‘We did it’.

(We’re still waiting for this bit. But people keep telling me it’s gonna be amaze balls. I’ll let you know once we’re there)

P.S

Sorry the photos are so ‘Max heavy’. He’s in Munich and all the photos of me working are on his phone blah blah blah.

Or it could be the small fact that he’s the one doing all the work. Lols.